she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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