just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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