I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
