They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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