he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
