I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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