Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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