I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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