Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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