Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
