if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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