Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
