You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
