I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
