Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
