could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
