Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
