I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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