I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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