Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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