Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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