i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
