wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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