i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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