if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
do nipples grow back?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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