When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
