she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
