She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
