I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm at about main and main street
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
