but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
