i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
