I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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