y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
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