and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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