Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
