My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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