tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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