I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
