so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
