dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
