Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
