he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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