Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
