Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
