Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
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Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
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Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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