Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
