Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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