My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
