Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize