she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got inside last night via doggy door
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head