Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Randomize
