The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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