it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
