Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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