she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
