Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
