Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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