just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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