Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
