That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
