Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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