Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
