so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
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This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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