hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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